The other side of Bridget Jones

I arrived at Tullamarine Airport, Melbourne on Monday night, on route to attend two events that promise to be magnificent shows. First off is my oldest male buddy Nick’s wedding, who is tying the knot with this angelic French Canadian bride Marie-eve. To then be closely followed by Gaysie’s family reunion Christmas bonanza at the farm.

Both of these events will be outstanding; but both have led me suffering some trepidation of doing a Bridget Jones at both. From all the weight that I was struggling to navigate on my trolley, and having been slightly Bridget the day before having more than my daily units of sherry; there was no doubt I was pushing a packing disaster. I was walking out through those double doors on my todd (on my own), with no one there to wipe me out with hugs and kisses to welcome me home.

Through customs, I walked straight into the scene of “Love Actually”; a sea of people all waiting for their loved ones to welcome home as they bust, fall or collapse through those famous double doors. It’s such a vibe of anticipation and emotion. Sure, I knew there would be no melodrama waiting for me; the pragmatic Glovers have a routine, grab your stuff and I’ll meet you out front. And generally what happens is the driver does some circle work until you’re allowed through the very anal Melbourne Tullamarine ground staff check. Ok, I was excited to be back, feeling slightly cheeky and festive, so to get on board of the other side of pragmatic, I chose to have some fun with it.

I started waving like buggery at this guy, who was innocently waiting for his girlfriend to come through with her back pack and pig tails. I grabbed his eye and started shouting “hi, hi, hi, hello, oh my god, hello, hi, hi” Waving like Forest Gump at him, and a with smile wide as she could go. This poor guy looked completely bemused, more concerned but yet started to wave back, half smiling. I’m sure what was going on in his head was

“who the fuck is this nutter…?”

I shrugged and cutely said “sorry, wrong guy” and got the giggles. (I thought a wink would be OTT) Thankfully he had a little chuckle (ok little) and I kept on pushing the wide-load trolley. Bless him; he had a sense of humour, which is more than I can say for his girlfriend, who pushed up behind me. Hmm, I think her name must have been Sharon (not with an 'ron' more an 'za').

My suitcase is packed with twenty outfits, ten pair of shoes and enough other stuff see me through the Melbourne season. I’ve bought three dresses for the wedding because in true Glover style, I had no idea where I'd put that wedding invitation whilst packing at 11pm Sunday night, so even less of a clue of what the dress code was. Details, details, Babs was blaring (of the Streisand variety) and I was doing this wedding true ‘passenger’ style. Or rather, at that time of night I had no 'phone a friend' ability so what were my choices?

Coming back to Melbourne is so exciting but I can tell you, it’s no holiday. I’ve over committed myself and booked up breakfast, lunch and dinner every day. Luckily I’ve found some self control because without that stop button I might be coming to Singas resembling the before shot of SG Biggest Looser photo.

I do love my food, good wine and wonderful friends. Friends that smoke seem to love me even more, as I help them light their cigarettes at the end of a night. Yes I have given up, but all of this holiday festive, “I miss you my darling” palaver is going to take its toll.

I was having slight conniptions about coming to Nick’s wedding on my own. I did have a “+1”, but he was not allowed out of the Singapore. So I had to find the silver lining and decided to reframe this whole going it alone shindig in a whole new way.

The other side of the idea of coming to this wedding on my own was a bloody great one. Twenty of my dear old mates to catch up with, so the tally would not be units of sherry, it would be hugs. Twenty hugs at hello, twenty (plus) hugs at circa 3-4am mid d&m (about the anything and everything) and then twenty hugs (plus) to say good night. Ohhhh yeah, so much warm and fuzziness going on and why not be selfish and have it all to myself! Hugs galore, hugs r us, cuddle me up and make me dimple.

Beyond the wedding, I’m off to Albury Gaysie’s for Christmas - a Glover extravaganza Christmas affair with twenty of our relatives all coming for the big day. Gaysie has set the menu and it’s fit for a king, and his men, Robin Hood and the folks of Sherwood Forest too. Enough for four weeks but we would fit it all in on one day and one table.

The other side of Bridget Jones at my family Christmas is that my mum won’t make me wear some dreadful Reindeer jumper and we won’t be eating cubed cabaña in a curry sauce. But because there is no dishy Mr Darcy accompanying me this year, so that means I get the pleasure of having the Cinderella Room in the kitchen. It’s very convenient really because it means I’m close to the oven and the washing up, but it’s not apart of the main house, it’s what you’d describe as closer to the dogs bowl than the claw foot bath.

In our family the order of priority for the allocation of the boudoirs in the main house is you either have to be under five, or married to get one. I’m neither of those, so again this year, I know where I’m sleeping.

I don’t know why I didn’t think of this one sooner, but I came up with a bright idea for next year. I’m going to hire a boyfriend; yep, a hot sexy 6ft 3 gigolo ‘man bag' that will buy me my ticket into the main house. Surely there was a movie like this, so it’s not an original idea, but nonetheless, it will be a hoot and have Albury’s mouths flapping until 2012.

The funniest thing will be that next year’s boyfriend (let’s hope there will be one), will have to suffer the double take from Gaysie and the whole family. “Is he, is he?” Thankfully, I generally only choose men with a sense of humour! (Will have to make sure the gigolo has one too!!)

The other side of the Cinderella room is this gathering is set to be one to remember. The food will be outstanding, the bubbles will be endless (or until you fall over) and the banter will be non-stop. You have to be a brave person to dine with the Glover and Wallace clan, one must be able to hold their own and take and give a bit of shit or shovel it. If you show any weakness you are a goner! There really is never a dull moment and lots of silliness, lots of jokes and always always a story that reduces Mum into a laughing, crying, snorting mess. Priceless. Really, I don’t need a ‘hand bag’ to have fun.

This princess has slept in worse places I can assure you. Bugger, but I can’t help but think if I was a little bit more organised this year, I could have pulled off a two for one deal with a rent-a-bag – Nick’s wedding and Christmas. More bang for your buck as they say.

However, my dear old Dad has always said,

“Little One, remember the 6 P’s. Piss poor preparation produces poor performance.”

I’ll be commencing auditions for my 2010 holidays to Australia first week of January. I have a wedding on the 23rd of January and several other family events to attend. The best part about Singapore is they love a good deal, so I might just have to get creative on a package. Australia in the summer is a stunning place to be and who doesn’t love a wedding!

In reality I am no Bridget and I’m doing just fine with out Darcy; very Safe in the knowledge I’m set to have a jolly good time. What’s not to love about being with the people I love, and love me just as me!

Happy days and Merry Chrimbo.


Fleur

The Big Sheila

..and of course I have the soundtrack.