The other side of a kiss that changes life as you know it

When we say hello, it’s generally laced with a kiss! Aussies kiss hello once on the check, English twice on each cheek, the Dutch three times, and good god I get giddy! But, don’t you think it’s nice that we greet each other with a kiss hello? 

Who doesn’t like to kiss? Unless you have fish lips, are a porn star, or Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, for whom a kiss is too personal, I don’t know anyone who doesn’t like to get a smooch on!  Fair play, none of us like to pucker up for those lips that don’t appeal or are stuck to a face that is less than attractive, or laced with a foreign surprise on the corners, hiding grotty teeth or death breath!  But for when they are attached to the face of someone that makes you feel warm and fuzzy, a kiss can change life as you know it.

I was sitting in Soho in London one spring day having a drink with my friend Matty, it was late afternoon and the theatre opposite had just finished playing the “Muma Mia” Matinee, when an old couple who must have been in their early 80’s, walked out arm in arm, looking wistful and bouncing as they strolled together.  Matty and I commented on how content they looked, and we toasted “to a good and healthy life”.  At that very moment, as if on Que, the old man stopped, twirled his beloved (almost in her mid stride) to draw her towards him her, tummy to tummy, and gently rose his hands to caress her face and kiss her.

Oh, it was beautiful and stolen moment.  It was not ours, but it stopped us completely, glasses still charged, we both sighed, looking, gazing, as the old lovebirds kissed, embracing each other, then stopping to fall in love with each others look, as they kiss again.

They walked on hand in hand, Matty and I still breathless, and then Matty said, “wait look”, he had stopped again, pulling her up against him this time with an elderly man vigor , yet it was so graceful.  Repeating his manly way. Randy old man! It was magnificent; we could see her body give way to him, slightly melting into his arms, her head falling as he held her and kissed her.  Oh, as I write this, I can still feel that wonderful feeling; it was such a moment. It was like watching an old black and white movie in modern day.  That experience for me, was a kiss that changed my life, even though it was not mine, it was a kiss that I would fantasize about having myself one day!

I remember practicing kissing at boarding school on our teddies! I wonder if our boyfriends at school thought those kisses would ever change their lives forever?  Nervous, very wet, or desperately loose tongues from the boys (they didn’t have teddies), regardless, they are all very fond memories.  These were the kisses that I knew at the time, and let’s face it we all have to start somewhere and learn how to use these luscious puppies!

For a lot of us, we’ve experience a kiss that has changed our life forever.  Meaning, a kiss that has changed our plans, opened the door to a new experience, or marked the beginning of a new life with someone. In many cases, a kiss has taken us to the place when ask our dearest friends and family to share a moment when we say, “yes, I do”.  I’m going to a wedding next weekend in the UK to witness this very moment for some special friends that I can definitely say life changed as they knew it when they first kissed… two people that grew up 9 miles down the road from each other in Devon.  But would never meet until they both moved to work (together as luck would have it) in Singapore some 30 years on.  That first kiss, at a ball one December, was truly meant to happen. They are the lovebirds that warm the cockles of your heart.  Truly, these two people that make you want to pucker up and kiss spontaneously when you’re around them.  Anyone got a teddy bear handy?!  Bless you Roy and Karen, may you have a life of love and happiness together.

Lips are amazing really when you think about it – these soft, pink, luscious parts of our face are highly tuned, sensitive yet incredibly useful tools!  For when they are presented to another, they can have such persuasive ways, they are a magnet for human to human connection.  The look, the touch, the curl or form, all can have a sense of power over the two people that are engaged in their positioning.  

A pout can say, “I’m up for it!” A protruding bottom lip can say, “kiss me more, don’t stop, if you kiss me again, the sides will curve with joy”. And then, there is a glorious smile that curls up so nicely towards the ears, that tells you,  “hmm, yes please, that was just lovely!” Hey, and let’s face it - they are the “on button” to the lovely hot bits as well!

The other side of a kiss hello is those that bid goodbye.  Again, we kiss once, twice, three times, or hold each tightly and prolong that wonderful soft touch, sharing the final moment that we have together, connected as human to human, tummy to tummy, heart to heart.  The last kiss till we see each other again.  But don’t say goodbye, just say, “we’ll see you again soon!”

Slow passionate kissing or hot yummy sultry pashing? All have their place really. Personally I have quite a thing about kissing on a bridge!  There is something that ignites the “you and me” connection and I can’t explain why.  That being said, I haven’t been kissed on a bridge for as long as I can remember!

Whether it is a cute kiss of awakening, a Dutch dizzy one, an eighties something passionate embrace, or having to endure a wet sloppy monotone one to keep you waiting simply until that day when your lips go bang with a melting moment, and life does change as you know it!

Maybe when I get kissed on that bridge one day, I’ll write about how my life has changed!

Pucker up buttercup!  

Cheers

 

TBS

The other side of the laws of attraction

Janet Jackson sang, “Like a moth to the flame, burnt by the fire....”  no no no, I say drawn by desire! 

When we see something we like, we gravitate towards it. Whether a man with hot guns, a woman with great norgs (boobs), a new special friend, the titillation of an adventure yet touched, a challenge to get your blood pumping or even something as simple as a cold drink by a pool in the hot sun; the laws of attraction are scientific, it’s beyond our control.  This kind of “stuff” just happens in way that we can’t explain it.  Just meant to be!? 

You know the saying, “Like attracts like”.  So I thought about how does like actually find like? 

I believe we all have “signs on our heads” like a shop front sign.  It’s the image that you project outwards to tell the world what you’re all about or feeling at that particular time in your life, that sends a message to the other; who, if has the same level of “stuff” going on, is drawn to look more closely at your shop front sign.  

This façade we hold can change, many many times in fact, it’s totally up to you and your colours at the time really.  Regardless, there is a sign that says something to someone else…. always….and there starts the attraction… 

When humans are drawn to each other’s “shop fronts” it means you have the same level of “differentiation”.  Meaning, you have the same “stuff” going on, whether it be hanging on to the past, similar backgrounds, an interest that draws you together, like-mindness that is just being discovered, or loving of exuding the same energy – there is something very similar about you that draws you together. 

I’ve experienced and been privileged to witness a lot this law of attraction stuff recently; which I have to say, has been rather lovely. 

Like any shop open for business, I’ve always maintained, that we too have got to be “open to it” to draw in the good customers to our stores!  The other side to this is, if you’re closed off, what are you attracting?  You draw those that are also “closed off”.  Or if you’re holding negative energy, can you see that you are attracting negativity in return?  Have you ever complained that you don’t like something in someone that is close by you… in the laws of attraction, this generally means that they are representing something that you don’t like in yourself!  Think about it. It’s like a mirror almost.   

I'll put it plainly - when your shop light isn’t on you can attract mood hovers!  Then before you know it, your conversation really does turn to glass half full.  It’s like a cancer, it spreads, and you find yourself criticising everything that everyone else did and how they are “doing that to you”.  The reality is, you’re doing it to yourself.  Pure and simple, you’re creating a situation that keeps you in the “non like” space. 

What attracts us? Like I said in the last blog,  someone that may inspires us, or possibly something that is more fundamental than that.  I guess it depends on whether it’s a physical or emotional attraction doesn’t it?

Physical attraction is very sensory.  It can be an instant look from across the room, a shape of an arm, watching a mouth curl upwards, or eyelash closing heavily in front of you as if in slow motion, but in a flick of an eye it’s reality.  Remember that whiff of perfume you caught, that soft brush of skin on skin, finger tips just touching as you exchange, your feet touching under a table that gives a you knowing look of an eye - all of these sensory nerves are heighten as your eyes dilate, the hairs on the back of your neck stand up as your body subtly tingles, nipples change shape, crotches heat up and all in a split second from what has been created by your sign saying something to the other person!   

The other side of the laws of attraction is the physical can also have the reverse effect on some of us!  Have you ever experience your body temperature rising, your brow starts to glow as does the tip of your nose (like mine does at times), then goes the palms of your hands, your body becomes sullen and your shoulders turn slightly inwards because this attraction is just too much to bare!  Anxiety creeps in,  yet, excitement really does lie beneath.  There is a rush of blood going through your system, you simply can’t help it, where is the temperature control? How has started your heart started to trip to a different beat!  Come come, it’s just the laws of attraction playing with you.   

More often than not, if it’s happening to you, it’s happening the other person as well.  It’s whether or not you can see that and over your own anxiety.  Remember, like attracts like.  But if it’s not that, it may be that you need to adjust the focus on what you see verses what is really on the shop front sign before you.   It’s happened to me many times, but my excuse is that I’m blind, and I’m maintaining that one! Regardless of the need for an eye test, lift your head and take a good look at what’s in front of you again – hindsight never hurt anyone! 

I think it’s universal that alcohol can be the numbing of all anxiety when it comes to the laws of attraction.  It’s the antidote to break down all barriers. 

How many times have you been able to lift your head faster to return the gaze after your third glass of Chardy, Pint or Martini?  Your choice of poison is often the key to open the door once someone likes the look of the sign on your shop-front.  I’d be lying if I didn’t admit my friend Martini hasn’t been the locksmith that sits on my shoulder and says  “come on lady, get amongst it, love the chemistry whilst you’re in the moment, and let go!”

The little tipple has given me hours of confidence at times.  For even the most outwardly confident of us in the world have insecurities too and have hot flushes of anxiety when there is a hot blooded attraction in front of you.  There is that moment of “this person has something, they really have something that I like….”.  And trust me, they are thinking the same thing about you.  Do trust me on that one.

Now whether that “like attracts like” is a moment in time, an eye flutter, a flirtation to keep energy in a situation alive, a stolen kiss, a one night shag, a life long “maybe”, or a life long partner, is totally up to you both.  All serves a purpose. What do they say, for a season, a reason or a lifetime! 

The other side of the laws of attraction I also said was the emotional, which I believe is a drawing of minds.  A connection that can have more fundamental impact on our lives.  A nonsexual connection that can open up some locked shop doors, or in real terms, open our eyes to a new vision, or ability to choose which path to take at the fork in the road. 

To have both physical and emotional attraction is pretty wonderful – and I’m sure a lot of you have experienced that.  But I honestly believe these connections are gifts that we give each other.  Friendships, soul mates, guiding lights in the night, healers, and strangers that offer the golden nuggets of insight that you may just need one day; all answering what our shop front signs are saying or asking of the world!   

I recently decided my shop front needed a good old revamp – a welcomed change of the façade I'd say. I swept the front door of the leaves, I cleaned up the cobwebs, soften the edges, brighten the colour, put some cozy chairs out front of the wide opened doors, the sign was shiny and attractive again, emotionally and physically.  I'd created space for new “stuff” to be welcomed in.  Actually I dumped a lot of shit in that spring clean -  I’d highly recommend it.  My shop front sign was on high beam! ....and.... hey presto..... once uncertain about my career, I’m now happy and at peace with my choices, once feeling isolated in this town, I feel so unbelievably loved and welcomed, attracting some likeminded very special friends that have held my hand and made me laugh so so much – and, I’ve opened myself to the new and well, we all love a good romance story… get this…....my eyes have widened, my heart has skipped a beat and my smile is so incredibly wide, my ears are tickled… I met someone really lovely.  Go figure!  Like attracts like! We'll see....  

I think I should start a business called “What’s your sign”….. maybe I could possibly help a lot people get the right messages out there!!!   

What does the sign on your shop front say today?

Cheers,

TBS

 p.s – I wrote this blog in Thailand, and I unfortunately left my SLR camera at the Phuket airport. When I realised on the plane what I'd done, my darling friend Karen said to me “don’t worry, laws of attraction, it will come back to you”.  She had no idea I’d written this blog.  So I put it out there and I believed in what she said. I thought it was a sign. And you know what, it did. I got a call a day later from Singapore airport saying that they had my camera!  You have to love the laws of attraction, it’s just the way it is!