The other side of a Caddy

In life sometimes we just don’t have the right voice to get to the message across. It's like we have learned behaviour because we were not heard in a busy room of people that are bigger than us. Children verses adults, for example. Then as adults, we sit in rooms whereby our peers are louder, our friends are more dominate, or our seniors just have no interest in what we say because they know better. Or think they do.

Sometimes we’re just afraid to say what we think and then what? What you believed or wanted to share is gone, the thought past, the moment lost and the opportunity too.  I wonder, what would the world really be like if we all got to say what we wanted? Bloody loud actually, or would it? 

Or maybe, you’re the type that actually likes to hold knowledge, and not tell what you know? Maybe you enjoy watching others learn from you, or want to learn from you, in a more anonymous way. What I call, a style of voyeuristic learning; or what some may call, leading from behind. (but not in a homosexual way, of course). 

I was speaking about Facebook at Brunch on the week end - and my friend was making claim that people that just observed, or watched, without comments, should get off FB. He was saying, “piss, or get off the pot”. My rebuttal was, "why is Facebook any different to real life group dynamics, whereby you would have certain people that would have loud voices, certain people that would make the controversial comments, others that would just want to watch, and then the others that would become your caddy for your voice?"

It got me thinking about a term I’ve been using a lot lately, to describe how to make your idea’s some one else’s.  How we get our voices and messages out there, when you haven’t said a word to the masses.

What is a caddy, you ask? A caddy is someone that holds your golf clubs around 18 holes. Yes, they hand you the perfect club for the winning shot, because they know the game, and they are there 100% to support a winning game. It's an instant teaming thing that's going on.  A caddy is the quite achiever of the game, that individual the golfer generally trusts, rely's on, but would never pay credit to for his win.  The least acknowledged, but actually the most valuable if you know how to use him.

When a caddy tells a man about the hottest new wood on the market, latest Franck Muller designer mens watch or stocks about to fly, you can bet it's second hand information he's picked up on the last 18 supporting someone of note or stature. What is more, I'd also wager that when that golfer takes appeal to what he hears at par 3 on the 11th tee, at dinner that night with anyone else of note, he’s not going to tell you that Craig the Caddy was the source of his latest wank tank. Claim will be his own. And hence the cycle will begin; many sleaves will be pulled past the elbow to show off the last Franck. It's the nature of the beast.

Ok, so the idea is, that when you want someone to be your caddy, you chose a person that you know has the ear of the real target you want to get your message to. Then, casually tell them your idea in passing, at a lunch Que, at the pub after work, in the hallway, just simply in way that it looks like you’re sharing with that person.  Then watch what happens.  Your caddy will talk to the target, and then clock how long it takes for that idea to come out in the open.  Trust me, it wont take long.  

Now, this is important, so listen; whilst it wont come out as your idea, you still get your result.  And then, watch yourself - look at how you can change from being the one that wanted to talk, to the one that got your result, with out publicly saying a word.  

Then, observe cause and effect.  The eventuality is that your caddy will naturally gravitate towards you for more such hallway, of fairway conversations.  As you have not outwardly taken credit for words that have past between you, nor showed no ego of claim, the said Caddy will naturally believe and take on the words as if their own.  Human behaviour is simple; you see your caddy will have received some form of gratitude therefore feel as though they themselves have been creative in the eyes of the target. 

It sounds very manipulative, doesn’t it? But human nature, with all it’s colours, makes us all behave in ways that we need to in order to survive.  Or simply get from A to B.  

If we stop and look at how many times we’ve been some one’s Caddy, if you really think about it, we’ve all played that role. And I will say we’ve inadvertently made some one our own caddy at one point in our lives. 

Cricky, we are all Steve Jobs’ caddy.  And with 9/11 we were all Caddy’s of some conspiracy some smart people cooked up. But I wont go there today. But the truth is, we are all one for the Press; daily Caddy's for what powerful people want us to hear.  How many times have you read or seen some report then reverberated it at a dinner party as if it were your own opinion? Many, many, many, many times. It’s what we do.  We repeat what others tell us.  So what I’m telling you is not necessary that controversial, it’s just pointing out the obvious really...... and when you know what you know, it tends become a little easier to digest, right! 

I'm the youngest of three, with two older brothers, I am a woman in male orientated business world, 6ft tall and living in Asia. All of which means I’ve had to find ways to get around the obstacles that have been put in front of my hierarchy of life. Or in plain english, I've really struggled to say what I wanted to say when I've wanted to say it.  With time, I've refined a skill to get my messages out in different ways. I’ve got my own caddy’s now because I’ve learned that I have to have them to get from A to B. 

The other side of having a caddy is that can back fire on you if you’re not careful, so this does come with a warning! You can be effective at feeding other people with your brilliant, silent but deadly idea’s, but you could miss the point, because your caddy progresses well beyond, as you stay idol.  You’ve chosen the wrong person for the job.  Meaning, he doesn’t want to be a caddy, he actually wants to be Tiger Woods.  Dependent on the intent of your message, find a person who doesn’t have such inspirations, or whom is neither threatening to your own cause, in other words. 

Or, it can also back fire in such a way, like it did with me in the very early days of my career. I had chosen my Boss as a Caddy to get messages to a wider audience in my client and Big Wigs at the company I worked for.  It was like poetry, beautiful in fact, we were winning, looking so elegant in our detail, we were all on such a high. Levitating, rich and very happy.  It was a mutual appreciate society, as it helped my Boss recreate stature after some more difficult times he’d experienced. That was, until the time came when the Big Wigs remembered that my Boss wasn’t actually so elegant in the first place.   

No man in the lime light of business wants to be known as being played like a ventriloquist. The result was ugly. He came after me in such a way that would derail any young woman in business. 

I have learned two important lessons; one is on how to temper the caddy messages, and the other is that it is just life, actually. It’s real that people only have ears for messages from those of whom they wish to hear them from. 

I’m sure if we all said what we wanted out aloud, as I questioned at the beginning; maybe yes, there would be chaos to begin with. However I feel, like everything in our lives, we humans find a natural way of order, or to assimilate ourselves with the new. We are very adapt at taking on new forms that are presented to us by someone else.  

There wasn’t a ventriloquist in this scenario with past Boss, there was just an ambitious, naive 27 year old woman that was actually just intimated by her seniors. However as we all know, perception is reality, and there were causalities. Many in fact.  So once a girl that told her Boss her overflowing, overzealous idea’s; today, I’ll tell you straight out. Real, strong, passionate, and with purpose. But you see, when I recognize you as someone that I can’t reach, or shouldn’t because it wouldn’t be appropriate, I will find a Caddy to share my thoughts with you.

Oni Va - I look forward to hearing more of what you really think?

TBS

x

P.s: Like in the great words of John Malcovich in Dangerous Liaisons, he had many caddy’s for his idea’s, that he liked to watch. And when he was caught, he would simply say, “it’s beyond my control.”