The other side of a chameleon

Have you met people in your life that at first glance they are beautiful, alluring, sweet and kind; intriguing, captivating, seemingly spontaneous and magnetic? They make you laugh, smile widely and get a stitch from laughing, curdling your insides because you feel great! Then you get to know them and they keep you laughing, continue surprising you with more stories of wonder and silliness? And as you grow together, friendship or lovers, getting older, the lines around your eyes are more distinct and life is good?

OR,

Have you ever met someone that was at first glance beautiful, charming, alluring and made you smile so deeply, kept your interest, loved your interests, your music and your dialogue, finished your sentences, contagiously making you laugh so much that the creases around you eyes inevitably became more defined? Then, later, as you get to know them, the creases around your mouth become more jagged and downturned?

The chameleon has many faces. A talent to be many people, but the basis is a changeable and inconsistent character.  However, the skill they have is to mimic your face, to tap into your awareness and your beauty.  Fundamentally, the basic need and energy that drive these humans, from a psychological perspective, is to see themselves in the mirror of joy.

What the chameleon needs is to feed from a source that gives energy to the face conversion.  The enjoyment of the first face!  Sadly, they don’t often know effect of those relying on that initial face, therefore, when it’s gone or not able to be called on again, the watching eye is rendered asking, “…why aren’t I laughing anymore?”.

Without giving you a complete psychological profile, I’ll make this simple – the chameleon is not emotionally responsible with you.

How will you ever know if they are being real, or just want you to like them?

THE OTHER SIDE OF A CHAMELEON is, we all one are at times. Life serves us in such a way that makes us need to pretend. Whether it is driven from our families expectations, a commitment once made to someone because we thought it right, then later felt a captor and out of control.  A societies pressure for us to be whomever, or a tightening grip of the proverbial wrench closing in on the work culture once signed up to in order to fit in.

Not everyone is a chameleon. People are simple and actually just love you for you.  I’m not actually judging here, because I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I’ve used a face to keep up appearances before.  Sometimes we don’t know any better, it’s what we’ve learnt, or have been taught. Or simply the tools we have been given at the time to live, to survive.  A option is to create an opening to listen, or a space for someone to feel comfortable who may need it; if you can, try it, it may help some one.

We all show certain faces some days to get by.  Ones we love, ones we regret and come despise.  Some profiles are needed to show a face in moment to convince that we are solid, but truly we are not. Or a face to hide the denial when once we were strong, yet we choose not to acknowledge or outwardly realise the reason we’re hiding from defeat.  Or basically, when we just don't have the guts to be honest.

  

By the very need to have a façade we are potentially betraying the vision that someone else has in us. Thus, we may all pay a price.  What is that price exactly?  It can be ugly like disappointment or accusations of betrayal.  Or a sense of being in quicksand, suddenly out of control. Somehow unaware we are colluding in misrepresentation or  being a regrettable ticket for mistrust.  Are we offering love when it is unrequited, or acting out continual blurred boundaries. The price is one of loneliness, with out being alone.

It’s only until we change our face back again, that the person experiencing the effect of the first will know.  What? They will know the act of a chameleon. 

We as people will be unreliable, every day.  Integrity, however is a virtue I now strive for and look for in the people I associate with.  Or an honesty to say, "hey, this is how it is".  At my age and experience, I tend to cull those how don’t posses it. Ok, maybe a very pragmatic view, and not always how it works, granted - in reality I am more forgiving than this tale may tell.  Icebergs.

The energy we need from people is all about acceptance.  A want and need to know we are loved.

 "A knowing that someone wants to love us".

What I’ve come to understand and really appreciate in life is that we all have colours – in one face.  I’ve said this before; one face can show them all.  It takes bravery, yes, it does. But really, know this, we have to learn there are not sharks in every water.  Seriously, goes back to choose your attitude. 

Choose what face you what to show. It doesn’t need a different bland or abstract exterior from your reality.  Please, and if struggle at first, know that that is normal -  don’t give up, it will become like driving a car soon enough. It’s a coward that doesn’t try.

I sat with my good friends tonight, having a welcome home dinner from Argentina! It was a night that I can absolutely say that the creases in my eyes gathered beautifully. No chameleons here.

I always say it’s important in life to be consistent.  Look at yourself in the mirror, acknowledge and love the lines, the shapes - and if you have a double chin right now, lift your head up a little higher now…. you’re beautiful.

Love who you are and trust that the face will be welcomed in the mirror.

TBS

Xxx

p.s – I discovered a chameleon that inspired me to write this tonight.  My friends told me to tell him he had bad breath to torment him.  Fun, but not my style.
....And, like always, I've discovered there is two sides to every story!