I’ve arrived in Buenos Aires, having slept for 12 hours of the 27 and feeling pretty damn good. I’m sitting in a bar in down town BA having some Martinis and some local nosh to get me acquainted. Beautiful people everywhere here and I feel like I could be at home in Melbourne in St Kilda somewhere. Nice. It's just fabulous, I'm tapping my boots, there are such great tunes playing for me here.
This is the first day of the rest of my life. I could say that every day, but I thought I’d choose to make it count today. I have made a little promise to myself for this whole trip and coming year; I’m going to “choose my attitude”. Ok, that might sound daft and fluffy, but after losing it last night before I left Singapore, I thought needs must.
Now, for all of those people that I’ve annoyed with my relentless overgrown smile and stories of beef farms and getting back with my people (the cows that is), and so many of your have said “….I want your life, I want to do what you’re doing…. “, I’ll let you into a little secret, the shine wore off last night and I hit a massive brick wall.
I had a power kip before packing last night (always pack at last minute) and when I woke my flatmate was out and I was alone. Oh dear. A silent stare into his empty room, condo stillness, and then the anxiety set in. The little chin started to quiver, the cheeks went pink, my chest spasimed tight and yes, the heavens opened up. Now I could have split some milk (or soy) and it would have had the same effect, so I'll admit a simple trigger was all I needed to release the pent up girl energy that was bubbling away inside. One of life’s inevitable explosions.
What was it? A combination of things really, mainly over doing it I guess. That, and that age-old adrenalin addiction kicking in. Right, some factors to consider;
It was the last day at my job, saying goodbye to working with some really special people.
Then being told that my trekking trip booking had been “Argentinean”. Which meant, my only option was to camp outside instead of having a room in the Inn, which scared me a little to camp alone in Patagonia.
Maybe having 18 people for a sit down gourmet three-course Christmas lunch on the Sunday before I left had something to do with it.
Or what could have topped me off, was indulging in a new yummy romance that inevitably meant I had zero sleep for the week leading up to going away.
I felt like a child standing on the edge of a huge rock wanting to jump into the deep blue unknown ocean, pensive, but holding my nose ready to jump in, titillated, and definitely a little scared.
I was a little blubbering flower. HELP. A text message out and the universe did the rest. Bless, the calvary to my rescue. It’s remarkable you know – you just reach out and in an instant you have your cradle to rock in. I had calls from darling friends telling me every one would be there with me holding my hand, texts saying they were with me and thinking of me and couldn’t wait to see me on my return; and then the mother of texts came in – unprompted, seriously this blew my mind and dried the eyes I can tell you – it said:
“Hey there, have a great trip and fun time. U don’t strike me as some one scared of adventure but in case that happens, my tip is to always remember a line a friend of mine told me recently and that was …. ‘The brave may not live forever… but the fearful do not live at all’, Cheers D.”
And of course there was Nona, my wonderful godsend of a helper, who is like a sanity checker more than anything else, who mind you, helped stop the tears as she sat at the end of bed laughing her head off at me whilst I was fussed over what the fuck I was taking.
The other side of this little unexpected freak out is, that it’s perfectly normal to expect such a thing would happen when you've tired to do this shit on you're own. And, well the nice thing about such a blubber is it just makes the edges softer really.
So here goes -
I didn’t have a going away party at work because I really hate good-byes, I get too teary and teary just makes me messy. I do feel like I’m breaking up from a relationship with leaving this job. I’ve had such a challenging year, but it’s incredibly hard to walk away from. The people I’ve worked with I would say I will keep as life long friends, so I find it all a bit confronting. I’m the master at confronting others, and do it often, but would prefer it not to confront me publicly.
- I choose to have remembered me for my smile rather than some Gwyneth Powtrow blubbering speech at a party. Worth it.
The Christmas lunch was inspired by my Aunt writing to me supporting what I was doing, but said make sure you’re not lonely on Christmas day. So I thought, well, I’ll bring Chrissie forward this year and put on a show before I leave. I have to say, it was my best Christmas party I’ve thrown yet, the food was spectacular (if I do say so myself) the table was so bright and cheerful, every one got a goodie bag to take home, and wow, I got to sit and talk to people this time. God love Nona and helpers.
- I choose to love my friends like family and take a moment at the table to see how happy people are eating my food and drinking silly amounts of wine. Utterly worth it – and not even considered a sacrifice to having more time to pack.
The silver lining to the camping situation on the trek in the Glaciers is that I’ll be camping with a fully trained “Patagonia propeller head geological guide”, who will be able to share all that “stuff” that will make those damn glaciers so much more interesting. So lucky me, I’ll get to have more time with this dude. See, always an answer. Solid gold glacier, worth it.
- I choose to hold my nose and jump into the deep blue mysterious water, because what is the worst that can happen to me, come what may, there will always be a story to come with it. Writers worth it.
And as for being over tired - well, who can forgive me for falling for the alluring charms of an incredibly yummy Englishman over a Truffle dinner? Nice little Christmas gift, thank you. Absolutely worth being over tired for.
- I choose to be open to experience lovely warm and fuzziness when you least expect it.
AND…. for shits and giggles....
Truffle Dinner at the Fullerton Lighthouse, 450 SGD; having a hot guy in a pink shirt at that dinner, priceless; for everything else there is MasterCard!
I tell you what, pointy ends of the plane, flatbeds, cream PJ’s and oodles of French champagne and Campari on tap makes for an enjoyable down time day. That’s what I’ve chosen to call the transit to my destination, some down time. My rancho-relaxo day on the plane with Qatar Airways. People scoff and say, blimey 27 hours travelling, I’m now saying, yes it’s my “me time”.
And now, I choose to present. Not only to take this experience in and soak it up mind, body and soul, touching and feeling at it’s finest… but I also realised I need to be really present. For, when I got off the plane, through customs and as I approached my welcome FLEUR GLOVER sign, curved lips, bouncing blonde locks and long boots skipping towards my liaison, it suddenly dawned on me, something was up with this glorious movie made moment. Wait, what, I’d left my entourage behind. Yes, that’s right, I’d left my trolley of my suitcase, carry one case and trekking backpack behind back inside in Duty Free. Blonde in boots!
- I choose to be me.
The most important thing is always to know you have a choice - and you and only YOU decide what you want to do. You can spar, you can discuss with your partners, debate with a friend, beg for answer because you’re foggy, but only you can make up your own mind. Choose to be present. Simple idea really, but effective.
I choose to be a brave and curious character and I am relieved to be normal, and to feel naturally anxious, or scared and express it. I’ve chosen an unconventional life in the eyes on many, but as I said to a friend recently who wished she were doing this trip instead of being a new mother, “the grass is always greener”. I would love to have her life with a devoted husband and two beautiful children. I have just had some living to do before it’s my turn.
And until then, I choose life and great travel insurance!
Always remember to touch and feel.
TBS
Xxx
p.s: I will apologise in advance, because I will come back incredibly annoying; full of energy, hope, inspiration and optimism. You can choose to ignore me.
p.s – next stop – a beef farm to herd the gorgeous creatures. This is one of those ticks in the boxes life experiences. I love cow’s, so be prepared for a cow blog.
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