The Other Side of Feedback

I remember getting a report card from Boarding House mistress when I’m 14 saying I was an over zealous young lady and if I spent as much time on my studies as I did prancing around the boarding house singing and dancing I might just get some where in life. I distinctly remember thinking, BITCH, and wiped her off my favourite’s list. It was feedback that I couldn’t process very well at age 14. What’s more, the reality is, she didn’t say “I might just get somewhere in life”, what was written was “I might just achieve some significant grades at school”. She actually thought I was a very intelligent young woman with a lot of promise, and in her own way, was trying to encourage me to study to develop myself so I had choices in life. At age 14, I didn’t hear or see that, all I saw were criticisms.

Feedback, it’s such a powerful thing to have in your life, even when you think it’s bad, it’s good in many ways.

It is ratings appraisal time in the Big Brother House (my work) and everyone is looking for ratings contribution to pass to their Producer to say, “See, this is what I’ve contributed to this show this season”. Which like for all of us, has been an incredibly tough, grueling year to get good ratings through.

I’ve had about five house-mates send me requests asking for some words about how we’ve interacted in the house and what observations I can share about their performance. These rating reviews are all due at the end of this month, so of course, people are eager to secure places for next season and get paid on last seasons takings. I’ve been a little busy with my own ratings reviews lately, so I’ve not responded in a timely manner to my house-mates, which I must apologize for, because all of these people have actually had a significant bearing on my happiness and rating results in the Big Brother House.

Pretty selfish really, because when I asked them to help me win a challenge, or just find where the Loo paper is stored in this house, they were all there, reaching out with arms to make my day in front of the cameras special.

The other side of being selfish was my rating reviews were distracting me. My brother wrote in with some pretty scathing words for me to digest. In fact, it actually rocked me to my core. It was his perception on how the world perceived me, laced with some hefty and outrageous threats if I joined the Australian House hold any time soon. I was absolutely devastated; in my mind, I thought I would always have a place back in that household. It seemed not. His perception of me, in his words, was reality.

I guess this was reality TV after all, all raw and out there for all to make judgment. Ratings from people that you think you can rely on is super important, I think that is universal for all house-mates actually. So when one of your fans turns and tells you he’s always thought you were crap in your life performance, you start to feel the pressure of what the cameras can do to people in life. It really hits a nerve when viewers see what they want to see, or rather the cameras only show one angle of you, which might well be your bad side, and then your stereotype cast with it for life.

Is perception really reality? Is what someone or one person thinks of us the reality of whom and how we really are? I think not. It’s taken me a lot of soul searching this last week, and a tremendous amount of tears off the set, to realize that one man’s perception of me is from his lenses, or old footage that has lost it’s context in relation to the scenes played out today.

We do things in life that people judge, react poorly to or simply don’t understand why we’ve done it. So they, with the tools that they have at that moment in time, make an assessment of this situation, negative or otherwise, and for most people, that assessment is the blue print of what really lies beneath their opinion of you.

I chose to reach out to those viewers my brother referenced to support his rating review of my character, to ask them did they feel this strongly about me as a house-mate? Whilst I did not buy in to the heckle shouted from my brother, after some reflection I thought it was wise to ask for some honest feedback from these viewers, who I knew had also had turns in the house, so understood the pain of the heckling, yet maybe I didn’t see that they too were all standing in my blindside?

It made me think about some feedback a house-mate of mine Cubby, gave me when I first moved to Big Brother Asia. I’d been in the house for about a month, all enthusiastic and full of beans wanting to start a new life and get right into the action inside. Then one night, he took me aside and told me that I needed to calm down because I was scaring people. In my own words, he described me as being a little too urgent. This was valuable feedback. At the time, I was not a happy camper, and felt utterly deflated, thinking to myself, “Christ every one really is watching”. Fortunately, in months to come, it would become apparent that this was what happening. I was scaring the beejezus out of people. This is Big Brother Asia, and a 6ft+ loud Aussie bird that is slightly a bit too direct with my own feedback, was crossing all the boundaries and rules of this beautiful Big Brother show. I had to learn how to give face in the house. Very different rules in the Big Brother house in Oz let me tell you. Face? What the heck is that? In Australia, it’s all about get your “game face” on, and get on out there - but nooooo, not in this house hold. It was going to be long season.

My mother always says, when things aren’t going well for you, do something good for some one else and it will always change how you feel. So I set out to write my requested “feedback” statements to help my fellow house-mates.

I truly believe in life we just don’t compliment each other enough. You know, like telling some one you think they’re a beautiful person, and it doesn’t mean you want anything from them or get them into bed. Just because you can! And you believe it.

On Sunday night, I lay in my bed, and wrote a rating reference for my house-mate Cubby. I thought I would share it with you. I’m going to send it to some senior Producers in Big Brother too; there is some talk they might not renew his contract next season for the Asia show, as apparently there is some new gig in another region that that they think he’ll do well in. They’ve got it all wrong in my books; the demographic of that show just doesn’t suit his vibe. How do you think Clooney would do on the set of Sesame Street?

Here we go (slight adaptation to protect the innocent!)

Dear Producer,

I’ve had the great fortune to work with some incredibly inspiring people within Big Brother House and I would now add Cubby to this list. There are many seasoned house-mates in our business like Cubby that personify a set of core values and skills that have such a positive impact on the integrity of our show and our viewers experience of the Big Brother Brand. I believe that the Producers need to examine ways to improve the way we coach our House-mates and analyze how our top rating performers operate. If we are going to survive in this challenging environment, the differences our people make, like Cubby, will keep this show alive.

I really value Cubby’s approach to show business – he’s a supreme coach, and what he doesn’t know about this business isn’t worth knowing. He’s got such a passion for delivering his best performance, time after time, and I sincerely believe that working with Cubby has had a significant influence on how my ratings have increased in this season’s show.

I moved to Singapore late May 2009 to become a Big Brother House mate for SEA having starred in a season in the Australian series. Cubby took time out of this incredibly busy schedule to discuss at length some fundaments of the show that would give me the tools to succeed and get some good ratings. I’m not just referring to how to win points in the games to get food etc, more so, the overall emotional intelligence of how to survive as a new, forthright Australian woman, in the back drop of a rather tricky Neighborhood. He shared with me some observations about my character that would in months to come be vital for me to understand how to keep my place in the House.

Feedback is essential in these circumstances, and what observed was spot on and thankfully he pointed out what I needed but could not see at the beginning. In my experience, the Big Brother House can be rather adversarial at times, and what makes Cubby such an asset is he offers tips and advice to help the house-mates avoid the internal challenges.

Cubby has set aside time for me to brain storm and talk through my strategies to get the viewers to like what I had to say. I will say though, at times I found Cubby’s manner somewhat harsh and critical of my work (and have told him to get stuffed more than a few times), but maintain I am grateful to have a constructive push to encourage me to achieve better results in my performance. All too often, I see leaders in the House resist giving people valuable constructive feedback that ultimately will help our ratings improve. (Maybe it might help their ratings too?)

I’ve seen Cubby become the “go to” person in the house for general advice on the “how to” in show business. His work in front of the cameras speaks for itself, but to his credit, he has also given what little spare time he has left to support the other house-mates to highlight areas for consideration, share show business know how, or other ratings analytics to support the pursuit for more viewers in this region. Simply put, he offers some much needed plain old common sense that he’ll articulate in such a way that the “Big Brother Guide for Dummies” should publish it.

One observation I am particularly keen to make is that Cubby’s zero tolerance for poor service or mediocre housework has raised the bar and improved the quality-control Big Brother House SEA. Individuals have started to question and demand more from their fellow house-mates, and slowly a shift is taking place of our people not talking about “plain rice for dinner” or just “we don’t stock any toilet paper in the house”, rather spending time to talk to our public about what they’d like to get out of the show and make them switch on again and again, rather than turn the channel to Cable - because it’s cheap! Cubby is very passionate about the basic fundamentals of how to win higher ratings, and it very simple, get to know your audience.

The fact of the matter is, Big Brother is not a vanilla show, nor do the produces wish to be a cheap player in a much commoditized reality TV show market. Cubby’s approach that he ardently shares with his housemates, and the vision that has been demonstrated in the show he recently won, is to focus on taking the Big Brother Series right into the value space of Television, and far from vanilla reality TV dimension that so many Asian viewers perceive us to be in today.

The culture within Big Brother SEA is reflective of a very tired house, and with no scripts released yet from Producers for the next show, people like Cubby have become a fundamental strength at the core of our house.

I also believe that outstanding individuals like Cubby can also create monsters in the Big House; the more housework he does, the greater the level of expectations of what other tricks he can pull off, and then, the more pressure for Cubby to play up for the cameras.

Unfortunately there is only one of Cubby, and I have observed his struggle to balance his personal time in the Big Brother Room with his eagerness to give the public a good show. I hope next season, if they bring him back, he works on finding a greater focus on his personal life and recognizes that is as equally as important as the cameras. You can not kill the goose to get the golden egg, right!

He’s great fun both on and off the set of the house, a consummate professional, and a very caring genuine man with a mass of integrity. With a sharp Scottish wit and genuine interest in people he’s definitely become a high ratings character on the show. His emotional intelligence is well beyond most I’ve shared a house with before and in my experience, he has an uncanny ability to keep ten steps ahead of the game and indeed the producers. He’ll always win the game that gives you more than plain rice for dinner.

I’ve thoroughly enjoyed working with Cubby, and if you asked for my opinion, it would be great result to see Cubby make a come back in the next season of Big Brother. Although, with a twist, something unexpected, so it gives the viewers something worth watching!

Kindest regards,

The Big Sheila.

The reality is we’re not perfect all the time; and certain viewers might fixate on that “thing” you did, on that day, and then you’re screwed with ratings for a long time. They’re a fickle bunch out there. But then again, there are the die hard viewers that will tune in again tomorrow to see what your day holds and love the journey with you, they’ll tune in again, because they know you’re human.

Actually, Cubby’s been a royal pain the ass at times, but that will not stop me telling the Produces they’re mad to let him go to that another show, especially when our ratings have really started to pick up again here because of what he’s pulled off in front of the cameras. Nor will it stop me from letting him know he’ll be really missed if he leaves the house.

Go tell someone how you feel about them today – see what happens. And pay it forward, if someone does something lovely or wonderful for you, do something special for someone else. It makes the world go around.


Smile for the camera.

Fleur
TBS