The other side of a chameleon

Have you met people in your life that at first glance they are beautiful, alluring, sweet and kind; intriguing, captivating, seemingly spontaneous and magnetic? They make you laugh, smile widely and get a stitch from laughing, curdling your insides because you feel great! Then you get to know them and they keep you laughing, continue surprising you with more stories of wonder and silliness? And as you grow together, friendship or lovers, getting older, the lines around your eyes are more distinct and life is good?

OR,

Have you ever met someone that was at first glance beautiful, charming, alluring and made you smile so deeply, kept your interest, loved your interests, your music and your dialogue, finished your sentences, contagiously making you laugh so much that the creases around you eyes inevitably became more defined? Then, later, as you get to know them, the creases around your mouth become more jagged and downturned?

The chameleon has many faces. A talent to be many people, but the basis is a changeable and inconsistent character.  However, the skill they have is to mimic your face, to tap into your awareness and your beauty.  Fundamentally, the basic need and energy that drive these humans, from a psychological perspective, is to see themselves in the mirror of joy.

What the chameleon needs is to feed from a source that gives energy to the face conversion.  The enjoyment of the first face!  Sadly, they don’t often know effect of those relying on that initial face, therefore, when it’s gone or not able to be called on again, the watching eye is rendered asking, “…why aren’t I laughing anymore?”.

Without giving you a complete psychological profile, I’ll make this simple – the chameleon is not emotionally responsible with you.

How will you ever know if they are being real, or just want you to like them?

THE OTHER SIDE OF A CHAMELEON is, we all one are at times. Life serves us in such a way that makes us need to pretend. Whether it is driven from our families expectations, a commitment once made to someone because we thought it right, then later felt a captor and out of control.  A societies pressure for us to be whomever, or a tightening grip of the proverbial wrench closing in on the work culture once signed up to in order to fit in.

Not everyone is a chameleon. People are simple and actually just love you for you.  I’m not actually judging here, because I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I’ve used a face to keep up appearances before.  Sometimes we don’t know any better, it’s what we’ve learnt, or have been taught. Or simply the tools we have been given at the time to live, to survive.  A option is to create an opening to listen, or a space for someone to feel comfortable who may need it; if you can, try it, it may help some one.

We all show certain faces some days to get by.  Ones we love, ones we regret and come despise.  Some profiles are needed to show a face in moment to convince that we are solid, but truly we are not. Or a face to hide the denial when once we were strong, yet we choose not to acknowledge or outwardly realise the reason we’re hiding from defeat.  Or basically, when we just don't have the guts to be honest.

  

By the very need to have a façade we are potentially betraying the vision that someone else has in us. Thus, we may all pay a price.  What is that price exactly?  It can be ugly like disappointment or accusations of betrayal.  Or a sense of being in quicksand, suddenly out of control. Somehow unaware we are colluding in misrepresentation or  being a regrettable ticket for mistrust.  Are we offering love when it is unrequited, or acting out continual blurred boundaries. The price is one of loneliness, with out being alone.

It’s only until we change our face back again, that the person experiencing the effect of the first will know.  What? They will know the act of a chameleon. 

We as people will be unreliable, every day.  Integrity, however is a virtue I now strive for and look for in the people I associate with.  Or an honesty to say, "hey, this is how it is".  At my age and experience, I tend to cull those how don’t posses it. Ok, maybe a very pragmatic view, and not always how it works, granted - in reality I am more forgiving than this tale may tell.  Icebergs.

The energy we need from people is all about acceptance.  A want and need to know we are loved.

 "A knowing that someone wants to love us".

What I’ve come to understand and really appreciate in life is that we all have colours – in one face.  I’ve said this before; one face can show them all.  It takes bravery, yes, it does. But really, know this, we have to learn there are not sharks in every water.  Seriously, goes back to choose your attitude. 

Choose what face you what to show. It doesn’t need a different bland or abstract exterior from your reality.  Please, and if struggle at first, know that that is normal -  don’t give up, it will become like driving a car soon enough. It’s a coward that doesn’t try.

I sat with my good friends tonight, having a welcome home dinner from Argentina! It was a night that I can absolutely say that the creases in my eyes gathered beautifully. No chameleons here.

I always say it’s important in life to be consistent.  Look at yourself in the mirror, acknowledge and love the lines, the shapes - and if you have a double chin right now, lift your head up a little higher now…. you’re beautiful.

Love who you are and trust that the face will be welcomed in the mirror.

TBS

Xxx

p.s – I discovered a chameleon that inspired me to write this tonight.  My friends told me to tell him he had bad breath to torment him.  Fun, but not my style.
....And, like always, I've discovered there is two sides to every story!

The other side of baggage

Now, no surprise to anyone who knows me, but I had a lot of baggage on this trip to Argentina.  A month starting in Buenos Aires, then to my cows (herding and parting), moving to horse riding across the Andes and the finale of trekking through Chile.   All have their needs and not one dress fits all.  On my final leg, I arrived in the small sleepy town of Puerto Natales, Chile, to start the trek. The bus was filled with your typical travelers, back pack and beanie on, and there was me and all my bags.  This English guy stopped and looked at me in utter amazement. A tall blonde, knee high boots, matching suitcase and carry on, back pack, walking poles, a day pack and handbag. He slowly turned his head sideways and said rather curiously "and you're going to trek with all that?".  Nup, I was going to leave what I didn't need at the door.  Although, all this carry of luggage got me thinking about how much baggage we carry around with us that has nothing to do with material or clothing.  The emotional baggage stuff and we could all think about leaving at the door of 2011.

Trekking the W Circuit in the Torres del Paine National Park, Chile, we carried backpacks that were roughly 7- 12 kg’s heavy. Only the lightest and most imperative items came with us.  Everything we needed accept food and a mattress or tent. To keep it simple, we all agreed it was better to be potentially smelly than have a sore back. More with less. 

We took what we needed to survive and we all came back in one piece – a uncomplicated experience all serviced from one little backpack. 12kgs out of my 45kg, that’s it, easy.  And guess what, we were fine, I was fine, more than fine. We washed daily, joked constantly, were blessed with incredible weather, the circuit unfolded unparalleled beauty, the worlds finest natural wonders and we were even given a Glacier splitting show, one our best environmental dichotomy’s.  My jaw dropped a dozen or more times and I was desperate for another word other than “WOW”.

With our simple packs, as a group we challenged ourselves to climb higher, to keep pushing on through when it hurt, and helping each other out when we needed a hand.  In our refugios at night food was served when we were hungry, a bed provided when tired and a semi hot shower for some when we were seriously smelly. All we had were our basics. No one had any trouble, no one was greatly hurt (although I hit my head twice and nearly passed out) and no one stopped being male or female, no matter how smelly we were.  Pheromones still exist in the wild!  

On the 31^st of December we trekked 16km to a peak to look out over Glacier Grey and we were fortunate to have a 45 minute stop because of the famous Patagonian winds were so high.  A message would come to tell us to hike another 2 hours to the boat which would take us closer to the Glacier.  We all sat alone for that time mostly. A perfect spot for reflectionperched in a nook in the rooks to get some shelter from the wind, onlooking straight at the magnificent blue icefield.

Even though I was wrapped up in many layers feeling like the Michelin woman, I felt more like I was the caterpillar shedding her cocoon to release the butterfly, ready for flight.  I wrote in my book all the baggage I was leaving behind in 2010.  I made a conscious decision that these were the things that I had processed, sat with, looked at, understood and where ready to put in a pack and leave at the door of my new year.  There was no room for this stuff any more, I was consciously moving into a new space.  Very liberating. The whole process was such a cathartic thing to do. Ok, if the butterfly is too corny for you, here stood a woman who’s lived an interesting life – and it is what it is; good and bad.  I’d made peace with the stuff I needed to.  It’s now time to look out over the world and see what’s next? What a great moment.

Then I gave my self a toast, “tits and bums”!  Which was my toast call for the trip. I only had water with me, so it was a Clayton’s toast, but it was enough.

“Leave your baggage at the door and step on through to the other side.”

I don’t know about you, but I’m so glad to say goodbye to 2010, yet I’m really grateful for the experience.  You can’t cheat yourself through that stuff, you just have to ride the wave and get through and back on the beach, or where ever it is you want to leave your backpack of baggage.

Going to Spanish speaking countries is just geography too. It’s not because I’ve come to Argentina and Chile that I’ve been able to eject the bag, it’s more that I’ve learnt how to steer better at the ripe old age of 37. I love getting older.

I’ve talked to so many people recently whom have all shared the common desire to see that back of 2010. Is it that it’s the aftermath to the GFC when things were really shit? Or is it that the mass of society, and people that are in my sphere have all had a really shitty year as much as I have? Was it just one of those years?

Don’t get me wrong, lots of great things happened for people in this year, babies were born and weddings went off with a bang, people fell in love, new big job contracts signed.  However, my point is I have to spare a thought, a massive pregnant pause in fact because there were allot of us that had a great deal of stuff to deal with.

Stuff – what does that mean? Let’s give it some colour – this is what I’ve heard from and talked to people about this year - so here goes:

….having babies or losing babies, the never ending trying for babies, realising your partner doesn’t want babies, or your boyfriends ex girlfriend is having his baby. 

…getting married, being married and being confused about what that is all about, breaking a marriage and not entirely sure what the hell to do next, or being caught in a surrogate relationship with your Ex which just makes life complicated.

…being punished for cheating, punishing yourself for cheating. Will she or won’t she leave him, will he ever leave his wife?

…new families bonding, new families breaking, dysfunctional families laying it on thick, suicide threats, dealing with abuse, breaking toxic patterns, being bashed by your boyfriend.

…..no relationship at all, or just swimming in relationship bullshit.

….. toxic politics at work, ugly work financial non payments of bonuses, work bullshit, work fuckwits, work everything, work, work, work, work, work, work, then losing your job, and the anguish of trying to find another one.

…..constant liars, nice guy chameleons that are really just dickheads, hearts breaking, tears falling, more dickheads!

…this is all just shit, when do we get to December 31^st?

I’m sure there is a long list more…….

The other side of baggage is some people need to hold on to I it like safety blankets. Or they hold on to it because they believe it keeps them warm at night, even if they lay shaking. Some are exceptionally comfortable holding on to everything and anything. They are known as emotional hoarders. Living in the past keeps them firmly in the same place, because simply that’s what they know.  They tend to feel more cosy with complication than others, although complain about it constantly.  What’s more sad is that most of these people don’t understand how much their baggage can choke or suffocate others.  It’s difficult to breathe and manoeuvre with all this stuff in your space right!

Now some baggage takes longer than others to get off you back.  Granted, it takes time to process. It’s whether you make a decision to keep it with you or process it to move it along…. Nothing to see here, right!  Try letting it go. 

Why don’t we apply the approach we took to our packs for the trek more in life I wonder? You know, only take what you need with you to move forward and enjoy some of life’s most incredible scenery.  Are we all just too afraid that if we let go of too much we’ll allow ourselves to be smelly once in a while?  I’m holding on to the mantra of my trekking group, take less to see more.

I’ll let you in on secret, when we were smelly on the trek we all just got into our mountain air hot tub, no joke! Fresh as daisy after that!

The most important thing to remember is this – you decide, you choose what happens, and know that your year ahead is only what you make of it. You can do anything you put your mind to.  Be realistic but go after it, every bit of it.  And please don’t forget to ask for what you want, or tell the person in front of you what you want. If you don't ask you, don’t get.

So, if you can, wrap up your woes, package up your past, have a chat with it, look at it, name it, see what colour it is, tell it how you feel and then put it in a pack and leave it at the door.  Take a big breath and say, “See you, ciao, getouttahere, oni-va, tits and bums, cheers big ears – now fuck off Noddy!” How ever you want to say good bye, up to you; but leave it at the door.

I’ve had some incredible moments on this trip, however sitting on the top of the peak with Glacier Grey in Chile has to be one of the best.  It was the perfect way for me to say adios to 2010 and to date, is the most unsurpassed new years ever day I've experienced.  I may have come to Argentina with loads of stuff, but I've sure left allot behind. (Even though I'd be lying if I didn't say I have a stella new wardrobe!)

A final note, if your personal baggage is loaded with a few more love muffins that you normally carry at this time of year, don’t worry about it, no te calientes.  Yes, take it easy, smile and know that it purely shows how much you’ve enjoyed saying see ya to 2010. 

Happy new year to you all. I hope your new outlook for the year ahead is a better, brighter shade of simple! 

I leave for Singapore tonight.

I’m ready to come home.

I’ve had the trip of a life-time.

Viva Argentina!   Buenos Noches.

Love love love, TBS

p.s Sometimes I think the blackberry is the heaviest all of baggage – second to the ex in our lives that we can’t get past. The hyriachy of baggage, don’t get me started.